I’d like to think I’m not an overly materialistic person, but anyone who claims ‘money can’t buy happiness’ has just been shopping in the wrong places. Sure you can’t buy a sunset, the adoring smile of a child or satisfaction of bossing it through a hard level on Candy crush without using any boosters. But I honestly find myself wandering around the house and addressing inanimate objects with a silent ‘hello friend. You make me a happier human’. Here are a few of my possession-recommendations. Only seems fair to share the joy!
Jack Wills sweatpants £39.50 - £44.50
Do you crave the comfort of chav fashion but without the stigma of elective unemployment? Do you enjoy wearing sportswear with zero intention of actually exerting yourself? Cue Jack Wills joggers - making it legit to stay in pajamas all day since 1999. Essentially you’re paying £35 quid more for a bit of iron-on plastic. HOWEVER, is £35 not a reasonable price for your dignity? Plus, they throw in these adorable little anti-fray metal bits on the end of the toggles instead of just tying them in a knot. It’s a bona fide bargain!
You too can get into unnecessary debt at http://www.jackwills.com/
Clarins Eau De Jardins Body Cream, £29
You know the amazing smell that hits you when you walk onto the beauty floor of a department store? That. In a tube. Smells so good when you put in on it’ll make you want to lick your own face clean.
Stock up here:
Leather notebook
Do you have profound thoughts? Is your daily to-do list just too hot for a WHSmith spiral notepad to handle? What you need, is a pungent leather notebook. It’s the best favour the unappreciated genius can do themselves. Makes writing a shopping list feel like you’re Hemingway penning your post-combat memoirs. Combine with apartment that smells of rich mahogany for best effect.
BONUS TIP: In times of austerity, can be transformed into a tasty stew
Some nice ones at http://www.paperchase.co.uk/stationery/notebooks
Molton Brown Peppercorn Bodywash, £18
The first time I encountered this was as a child in my Uncle’s uber-trendy Antwerpian apartment. As a child, Uncle J was Uncle Culture, Uncle Jetsetter, Uncle Bringer-of-exotic-gifts - in short, a bit of classy bloke. So I didn’t quite get why the man I considered the epitome of cosmopolitan-cool would want to smell like a roast dinner. One cheeky sniff later and I was a lifelong convert. I kid you not, this stuff is incredible. The best kind of manly stink. Guys: Wash with this, and beautiful women will prostrate themselves on the floor before you, offering you their firstborn sons in exchange for one whiff of your armpit.
Ladies: do not buy this for your man. Wash with this, and beautiful women will prostrate themselves on the floor before him, offering him their firstborn sons in exchange for one whiff of his armpit.
You can buy it here:
Asda organic apple baby bars £1.99 (or £1.60 if you’re lucky)
Baby food is infamously revolting, but whenever we get these in, my offspring don’t even get a look-in. They are sososo tasty. I get fat off them by breaking them into fruit yoghurt or slying one when I’m on the phone to a loved one and they’re going on about some nonsense for forever and a day. With them being a bit smaller you can be on number 7 and still be telling yourself you’re eating responsibly - which is pretty much top of my snack-choosing criteria. WARNING: tastegasm almost guaranteed. Avoid eating in public to sidestep ‘When Harry Met Sally’ type humiliation.
If you’re too lazy to walk to the supermarket:
Neom Candle, ‘Happiness’ £30
These badboys are not overly cheap, but they are the unprecedented boss of scented candles. I have one in ‘Happiness’ and it’s so convincingly summer-gardeny that you feel like you should be having a hayfever attack just from stepping within 30 feet of it. The scent is super pervasive and lingers forever without making you feel like you’re in a changing room full of trigger-happy 13 year olds who’ve just discovered the joys of deodorant.
This candle is close to my heart as it saved my life during the puke and poonamis of early ‘16. I was elbow deep in the stuff and couldn’t smell a thing. If I shut my eyes I could almost believe I was in skipping through tulip fields of Holland rather than on all fours, scooping cottage cheese into an Asda carrier bag.
You can thank me later:
Personalised Vintage Typewriter Cushion £35
Ok, so this is not everyone’s taste, but my the point here is not so much the cushion as the source. Not On The Highstreet and Etsy are the besssst for the quirky uniqueness of back-alley hole-in-the-wall type shops but + the insurance of a reputable mediator and - the threat of being mugged.
Anyway the story behind this cushion… My husband is not renowned for his cutesyness. But when we were dating he left a sneaky message for me on my typewriter, which I didn’t even notice until several days later. He totes wrecked the piece I was working on. But it was the nicest thing :) And kind of epitomises that period in our lives for me. So now I have a tangible reminder of it that sits in our front room every day.
You can get all sorts of weird and wonderful personalisable stuff here http:www.notonthehighstreet.com/ and here https://www.etsy.com/uk/.
And in case you want ma cushion:
http://www.notonthehighstreet.com/snapdragon/product/personalised-vintage-typewriter-cushion
Happy shopping u guyzzz xox
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